In the future we'll all be gay
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
