I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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