i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
