hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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