love makes seman taste better
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize