There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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