i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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