My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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