If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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