"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
