sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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