And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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