And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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