i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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