we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
