It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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