i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
