I am in a vortex of obligation.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize