In the future we'll all be gay
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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