sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
