dude i'm inner monologue high
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
