I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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