O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
