OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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