Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
