sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize