No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
