he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
