Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
