she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
