oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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