your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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