R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
