I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
