I just pynch a tree in the face
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
