No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
