I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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