why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
