Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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