I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
