OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she pinky promised me she was 18
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
