ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
