I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
