I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
