I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he puts the penis in happiness.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize