We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
