K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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