Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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