thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
