i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
