my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I love having hate sex.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
