this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
