I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
