The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize