out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
