My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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