sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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