I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
