Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
