I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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