cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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