Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize