I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
