Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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