White coat. Heels.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
