My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
