break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
