he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
cat food counts as protein by the way
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize