I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
