I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize