We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dicks are not precious.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
