I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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