WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
