my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
