i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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