i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize