OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
