It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
