I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
