I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
