my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
