she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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