This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
