Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
