So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize