Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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