He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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