Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
