do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
