dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
