my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
