You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
