I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
