Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
