Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
