somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize