oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Randomize
