I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
