Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I love having hate sex.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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