I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
