U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I am spending my child support on dildos
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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