I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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