I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
