If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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