Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
