When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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